panic at the disco.... give me five minutes to spaz out!

i've got a couple posts just waiting to be published....the LA trip from last weekend, some angsty self-reflective type posts that I'm still debating on whether to unleash on ppl (my emo-ness is fleeting but can be kinda intense and is usually a very very private deal for me), the travel series that is sitting, novel sized, in msword and being added to daily and etc. Mostly, I'm waiting for the pics before I post anything travel related. Where's the fun in talking about a place when there's no way to see it? Descriptive prose is great and all but I totally do not want to be like Tolkien.

I do have an update on school stuff tho. Illinois-Chicago said no. Not surprising. I expected it and it sounds rather spoilt of me to say that I wouldn't have wanted to go there anyway if they had said yes but that was my pov halfway thru the admissions process especially since the prof I was looking to work under did not respond to any inquiries whatsoever. What kind of message does that give prospective students? That and the fact that the anthro dept ppl there were total asses on the phone (I called to clarify some things about the admissions process way back when and was totally put off by the lady who talked to me like I was a particularly stupid child) meant that I was not looking to get in there but went through with the process anyway since I had already paid for it and paid for my transcripts to be sent there. If no money was involved, I would not have bothered. I still get huffy when I think about how bitchy that lady was on the phone. meh.

Hawaii....I don't even know anymore. They managed to not receive any of my transcripts and claimed they were missing a recommendation more than a month after apps were due. I've done everything I can on my side but I think I'm pretty much screwed. However, hope springs eternal, right?

Anyway, what's got me in a snit is that the prof in charge of the Angkor project sent out an email to me and some of the other participants to obtain more info from us for apps and passes and all that. That's great.....except she did it by forwarding the entire conversation I had with her prior to the email going out. So everyone on the email list read the convo and I'm really not happy about that at all. It had stuff like my GPA, who I've worked with so far, my resume attached, where I've applied, etc.

Yeah. I think it's really not done to do that.

Guess what happens after? I get this random email from one of the dudes on the email list saying he read the convo (ooh, big surprise there....but he did apologise for being nosy so, eh) and wanted to say hi because we're both Malaysian and he's going to Angkor and he applied to UW too. Urm. yeah. So what is the unintended side effect of this guy's casual email?? The loss of hope, that's what.  With one simple email, he totally crushes my hopes of getting into UW because apparently, he's a MA student at USM and is on the waitlist with me for a spot at UW. What's the problem, you ask? Well, I was banking on the fact that I was South East Asian/ Malaysian and the possibility of the uni doing work in Malaysia to give me an edge and the fact that I had visited and met the profs. Now, I find out that one of the ppl I'm up against is also Malaysian, has more experience in the area than I do along with definite contacts in Malaysia (my contacts are...urm....pending....), is more qualified (once he finishes his MA thesis this year), is going to work with UW at the fieldschool in the Philippines starting this week and has gone to all the regional conferences where he's met all the profs and even presented.

...........

Talk about being blindsided. So now, I have no edge whatsoever over the competition and overall, I'm less qualified. They should just send me the rejection already and be done with it.

I'm DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!

Well, that was part of my little spazzy panic attack when I got that email from him. Talk about a downer. But all is not lost, otherwise, I wouldn't be on the list up against super qualified ppl like that. Still crossing my fingers and toes. Maybe they'll be like....oh, this one has less experience = more trainable... and pick me. lol. who knows? could happen. here's to hoping but i ain't gonna spend anymore time spazzing out about it. It's times like this when I'm really grateful for my whatever attitude and total faith in well....fate and in karma and all that good stuff. If it was meant to be, it'll happen.....if not, something else just as great will creep up and boink me when I least expect it :) now, i gotta go look for cookies to console myself with. I love how my (sorta) angsty moments are wonderful excuses to ply myself with food :D