2012 in review

This is going to be kinda disjointed. I'm.....not sure what I am feeling right now. Stressed, hopeful, frustrated, elated, tired, happy, disappointed, cynical, amused, annoyed, satisfied, sad, headachy or a combination of all the above with many more mixed in. Is it even possible to feel all of that at once? I wish there was a single word that would explain exactly how I feel. I'm too distracted to focus on aimlessly surfing the internet but I feel the need to just talk about something other than the last hour or two of my life that I've wasted trying to be nice while not allowing my life to be put on hold for the convenience of someone else. Bear with me.

December has been crazy. I think I've been more social in the last month than I have in the last few semesters. In some ways, it's like undergrad all over again. lol. The semester ended on a fairly hectic but good note. I've done a bit of going around the island, mostly to show people around (which, unfortunately, isn't as fun as one would think) and hung out with people without deadlines hanging over my head. Although, that said, I've got the mother of all deadlines plaguing me right now and I'm nowhere near done. How I'm supposed to hand in the final draft of my thesis in mid-late Jan, I don't know. To make matters worse, my computer is spazzing on me >.< Here's to hoping it'll last until the end of the upcoming Spring semester.




Christmas was good. Pretty chill even with the crazy ham impulse buy (20 pounds!! wtf do I need with 20 lbs of ham?!?) and the stress baking. I've got 4 kinds of cookies, a cheesecake and brownies. And a whole lotta ham. It's pretty redic.

Finally got my birthday/christmas present in the mail today! My shiny new pole is here!! so stoked to put it up!! :D

I can't believe we're almost done with 2012 though.

When I look back, this year has definitely been one filled with ups and downs and whatnot. It started out so well then went to shit and is now starting to even out. The first part of the year was probably my hardest semester in grad school. Mostly because of the trouble I was having with a prof's teaching methods. I have to admit, at one point, I was pretty ready to throw in the towel and say fuck the scholarship because it really wasn't worth it. Not to mention the problems I had with a promising friendship that pretty much went down the drain. So, yeah, a super negative semester that was topped off with the anxiety of producing the thesis and thinking about the future.

Summer helped a bit in that I got to relax at home, make new friends and meet with old ones, and eat awesome food. The research bit in Cambodia was a mixed experience for sure. From a learning standpoint, it was a really good experience but the stress of being introduced to the joy of "office politics" and trying not to drown under a pretty ambitious project put a damper on the whole summer.

Being able to talk to other people who have been in my shoes during summer helped with the whole thesis anxiety and the second semester of the year started off on a high note. Roomie issues brought it down but eventually it evened out. I got through the semester with fewer battle scars than before and then got caught up in the social wave that is pole and rugby combined. A week or two ago, I thought that all in all, it wasn't a bad way to end the year. Spoke too fast I guess. Grandpa passed away just before Christmas and then today, it looks like my roomie troubles are back on track :/

I guess, I just have to buckle down for the rollercoaster that 2013 looks to be. Already I can tell that it's going to be a little insane. I've got about 3 weeks to write my entire thesis. Then back and forth with the editing and revisions before I defend in March >.< then off to KK for a wedding and back in time for the SAAs. Summer is still up in the air, as is the rest of my future. There are quite a few options but......we'll see how it goes. There's a good chance I'll be down in Mexico excavating for a month before I head back to Cambodia for 2 months of Angkor again if I can make it happen. Or I could be enslaved in a CRM job. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. Beyond summer, I don't know where my life is going. I'm pretty sure existential crisis #2 should be happening sometime next semester since I'm feeling the inklings of it even now.

So yeah, 2012 was crazy and it's not quite over just yet. I predict 2013 will be even more insane. Here's to hoping that I get through it intact. Things usually work out for me but I'm still crossing my fingers. The luck, I'm going to needs it.  

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one year older, not necessarily wiser

I think facebook is fascinating. Especially around birthday time. I love that it connects me with family and friends however far away.....and that I can fb stalk people. Don't judge. Everyone does it. Fb is the ultimate in privacy invasion. It's kinda awesome in a bad way :) I always think it's interesting to see who on fb drops by with a birthday greeting. Usually it's the typical suspects of family and friends which is always great. However, you also get randos who are obviously friends, but not close friends. I always wonder if they wander over to say happy birthday because fb tells them it's my birthday, if they're stalking me, or if fb's newsfeed just brings it up based on how many mutual friends write on that particular wall. Hmm. Who knows? Whatever it is, it's usually interesting to see people you think don't like you/are not close to you say hi. lol. It's not a bad thing, just interesting.

The birthday was mellow. I decided to say eff the fact that it's about time for finals by not doing anything the whole day. I baked and lounged around. And the housemates, busy with their last day of classes/working on finals, were conspicuously gone the entire day. It was awesome!! It's funny because people kept asking how I partied it up on my birthday when all I wanted was to have peace and quiet :) I did however, sandwich that awesome day of mellowness with a day of hanging out at Anna's and another of more Anna's and hitting Waiks. Sigh, every time I think waikiki is alright, I get there and wonder why I thought that :P Definitely a love hate relationship with sleezy waiks and its horrendous parking situation. 

In other news, I usually ignore the age thing cos I can't be bothered with how old I get. Except that apparently I'm heading into early puma-hood (because cougars = married/over 40? and pumas = single/late 20s/30s?)........urm....idek. Why are all the good ones taken and the attractive ones just coming out of jailbaitland? haha I told my sister that I feel like a dirty old woman. lol. But really, you'd have to be blind not to be tempted :D Note to self: do not ask how old that hot young thing is. It'll only end in thoughts of early pumahood. 

One year older, somewhat wiser, possibly tempted into early pumahood. Yay birthday 2012!

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almost done with this one

Can't believe the semester is close to over. It feels like I'm not sure where all the time went but then again, I do.

I've spent time researching poles and how to get one to Hawaii at minimal cost. I've spent time learning how to teach pole. I've spent time in school trying to make it through the semester even though it feels like I checked out a few weeks ago. I've spent time play some rugby. I've spent time hanging out with people and eating a ton of food. Can't say it wasn't time spent well but everything has gone by so fast.

The other day I checked my credit report and was told I have excellent credit. Yay? If only I had the money to back that up :)

Thanksgiving was mellow and I cooked my first ever turkey! Don't really know if I ever want to cook one again. First of all, it cut me as I was stuffing it. Even in death, turkies (what is the plural or trukey??) can apparently still get revenge. Secondly, I had leftovers for days. Ewww. Leftover turkey is not really my thing for more than a day. Next time, it's going to be thanksgiving ham or chicken. It's really not worth it otherwise.

Went to Kona last weekend for rugby. The girls didn't end up playing but it was a good bonding experience and we had a blast. I mean, a house full of very fit half naked guys who insist on keeping their shirts off? Who wouldn't? But really, all ogling aside, I've missed the rugby traditions of kangaroo court and drinking songs. And the idiotic hilarity of 20 plus people combined with about $500 worth of alcohol set up in a beertub. Classic. More importantly, I was introduced to the Zulu Warrior tradition (must be a guy rugby thing?) which involved beer and fruit and streaking (not me, other people) :D Totally an awesome weekend, I haven't stopped grinning :DD

My only complaint is that everything seems to be happening during the last week of school and finals week. Blurgh. So much to do, so little time. I can't wait to be done next week. Imma take a couple days to recuperate before diving into completing the thesis. I've got about a month, more than half of it to write still and I'm just waiting for the rush of the semester to end before I freak out. The good news is that the house is going to be half empty so I get to have quiet cram time for a bit. Can't wait. 

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obsession? maybe

Went to the History of Pole show Pam was putting on last night at the Fringe Festival. It was awesome. 10 performers, one solid hour of poling. The eye candy didn't hurt of course :D

Last night helped me make a decision I was eventually going to make a few weeks from now after a lot of hemming and hawing due to my kiamsap student ways - I'm gonna drop them big green ones to get my own pole. YAY! I won't lie and say it isn't a little daunting since it's probably going to be the most expensive thing I have ever owned in my life apart from my car. But I'm currently trying to convince myself that it really isn't my money (because it isn't. It's coming from my stipend. Thank you higher education for providing for my "living costs"......exercise is totally a necessity for living, right?) and it's working. Kinda. I need to tack on early birthday and christmas present to myself in order to be fully convinced.

Instead of talking myself out of purchasing 9 ft plus of stainless steel amazingness, I'm just going to remind myself how much pole has become a part of my life.

When I walk down a street, I look at sign posts and judge their street poling worthiness (fyi, stop signs, no parking signs and ped crossing signs are worthy ;p). Instead of falling asleep at boring lectures, I zone out and make up pole routines. I watch youtube tutorials and my fingers itch to try them out. I'm saving money to go to Vegas next year for the Pole Convention. I'm trying to figure out how to take a pole with me to Asia while I'm doing my summer research. I'm going to be teaching an intro this Saturday. I have business cards that the studio made for me proclaiming that I am a "pole fitness instructor" (which, hahahahahahaahaha. seriously, I have business cards!).

If you can't tell, I'm kinda into it. :)

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Anderson

This week has been pretty interesting. Benedict Anderson (of imagined communities fame) came to visit for a week and held several talks and a seminar. The grad seminar wasn't really a seminar at all but more of a Q and A session with him doling out bits of writing wisdom here and there. I'm glad I didn't dedicate hours and hours to reading the two books that were required (yay procrastination!) otherwise I would have been pretty annoyed. They were good reads but not to my interest and definitely not useful for my current research. The annoying part for most people was that the professors tricked us into reading them as a requirement to attend this seminar, (but with 40 plus people, it could not be a seminar in earnest) and yet Anderson himself didn't know that we had read them (lol) and we didn't actually get to discuss them. Sneaky, sneaky profs. However, some of us did manage to have dinner with him (yay dept sponsored meal!!) and I think he's a lovely and funny old guy. I totally want him to adopt him and make him be my gay grandpa :D

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When life takes you to new places

This week has been a little hectic for me, mostly because my extracurriculars suddenly aligned and I couldn't skip any of the classes or practices.

Somehow, what was supposed to be a drink or two with the rugby fellas turned into a couple of drinks and some of us ending up at a strip club. lol. Got my strip club cherry popped but in all honestly, I don't think I would go back voluntarily. It was a little weird (not helped by the fact that one of the guys kept telling the girls that it was my first time so I got "extra" attention) and didn't do much for me but make me blush. A lot. I mean, yeah, I check out other girls and think some girls are hot but I could live life perfectly well without ever having another girl's crotch or ass waved in my face. I think I had more fun patron watching than watching the girls writhe and strip. haha. The anthropologist in me loved it, the regular me kinda cringed at some of the creepers in the crowd. My friend and I being mistaken for "off duty" strippers as we were waiting outside the club for the rest of our party only brought the experience to new levels of amusing (for me at least; my friend was pissed. lol).

All in all, can't say that I'd want to go back to an all girl's strip club but now I think I may need to pay a visit to a club with male strippers.......for comparison purposes, of course. Gotta be thorough in scientific experiments, right?  ;p

Anyway, as nutty and tiring as this week has been, today was awesome.

Here's why:

Nailed it on the first try!! :D

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naturalization

I'm seriously considering American citizenship.

It's been in the back of my mind for a while now. Mostly because many of the jobs in Archaeology involve the federal government and a green card doesn't cut it with them. I understand the rationale but man, it's a pain in the butt. I was scrolling through jobs and internships and scholarships the other night and I realized that about 80% were out of my reach because I'm not a citizen. And that's not only in the field of archaeology! I looked into historic preservation and museum stuff too! Lol. Even when I try to branch out into related but distinctly different fields, I run into the same wall.

I'll probably spend the next few weeks researching it but my green card is up for renewal next year so it makes this the perfect time to make the transition if possible.  INS, as usual, aren't as helpful as they like to think they are.....which is fine I guess since I'm going to have to grill the people I know who have been naturalized anyway.

I'll also have to figure out how to maintain Malaysian citizenship as well.

We'll see how it all works out.

I guess this year is the year for making life changing decisions :)

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connecting

It's been a weird weekend. The other two roomies were off in SF and I was all alone with the roomie that I'm having friendship issues with. Not on her part, just mine. It's a habit of mine to forgive but not forget. I'm wondering if that is worse than the other way 'round only because the not forgetting part stalls the forgiving process. lol. I don't think we'll even get back to the level of friendship we had last year before she went all crazy on me and what not but we probably talked the more this weekend than in the entire time we've been living together since the semester started. It's nice to think that some of the hurt is healing for me; enough that I can really put it behind me. It helps that she was on the outs with her new bf this weekend (I don't mean that in a bad way at all; I hope they work out because they could be really good for each other) but it did mean a few quiet days at home where we were forced to interact without other people in the way and just hang out and talk (mainly her going on about her bf situation). But whatever it was, it feels (to me) like something has shifted and the atmosphere is lighter (at least in my mind, it does). I think we're much better off now and it'll be a healthier living situation all around. Maybe it's just me but whatever this weekend was, I'm glad the weirdness worked out :)

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moments of contentedness

I've got the house to myself tonight.

Ahhhhh, peace and quiet. Two of the roomies are off to SF for a conference (lucky duckies) and the third is probably off with her guy. I'm blissfully alone. It's awesome :D

Just signed up for the Warrior Dash this coming Feb. It's a 5km/3mi course with at least 12 obstacles along the way. It's supposed to be wet and muddy and dirty and amazing fun. Followed by beer and such. My pole buddies convinced me to sign up (read: peer pressure) and I did; quickly, so I wouldn't have to think about the cost, the fundraising I accidentally committed myself to, and the basic fact that I. Don't. Run. Oh whelps, I have what, 5 months to get into shape and raise some money for St. Judes children's hospital.....totally doable.

Speaking of getting into shape, I'm starting to get back my pole strength :)Yay! Still not flexi tho.

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Miserably, dangerously allergic to dryer sheets tossing around in a dryer, apart from them being toxic in general, that is.

I wonder if there are epipens for that sort of thing

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what a day

Today was weird. seriously.

It started off blah, went to shit, and now I can't stop grinning.

My nose was running all day but I can't figure out what bit of Hawaii I'm allergic to. It's driving me nuts.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing but I'm apparently the new VP of the Anth Grad Student Association. Huh. I accepted the nomination cos I was thinking, what the heck, there are 4 other ppl running, I'm never gonna win. Oops? lol. I can't back out now and I'll have to reshuffle my entire schedule in order to make meetings and what not. I guess it'll look good on the CV but now I gotta find some pet projects I want to foster.

I also tried to track down my missing check. I think it's incredibly sad that ppl say "What did you expect? It's UH" when things go wrong here. But in that sense, they're right. I wasn't even surprised to find out that UH, in revamping their fiscal system, managed to take a system that worked just fine and "upgraded" to a system that sucks balls. Big, dirty, unwashed, hairy balls. Seriously. Of course the upside of it is that the ppl who work at UH are incredibly nice and apologetic for all the dumbassery that happens almost on a daily basis here. That's nice but I have to pay rent tomorrow. Stop screwing me over and gimme my moneh UH!! It sucks that I can only shake my fists, shake my head, more exasperated/resigned than angry, and think about how UH has been fucking me over since before I even got here.  

Despite the issues of today, the roommate sagas are finally producing entertainment. Kinda. Just minding our business in the middle of the night when the house starts shaking like we're experiencing an earthquake. A rather......rhythmic earthquake. Hmmm. The Jap roomie runs out of her room and starts panicking and freaking out about it.....until LA roomie and I calm her down and inform her that Hawaii doesn't get earthquakes. It's just the newest roomie going at it with her new bf.  ROLF. Earthquake. Oh, Jap roomie, I love you. You just made my night. :D Also, note to self, apparently vigorous sexy times might literally bring the walls down in this rickety old house. Good to know.

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upswing

Whew.

What a week. It's been pretty busy since I've been back and I was feeling fairly blah about it but in the last week it's been even busier and yet I feel great; like I'm finally getting into the swing of things. Feeling more social, being more social.

Pole is coming along well. I'm gaining back the strength that I lost over the summer and learning some rad moves. I'm also learning how to teach the lower levels. Excited about that for sure!

I like the new anthro cohort that have just come in. They are definitely an upbeat bunch and combining that with the outgoing fellas from last year's cohort, I finally feel like there's an academic community that I can rely on. It is an awesome feeling to be able to talk to other people in my situation who are right here.

The Hawaii Vintage Rugby festival, a week long event, has also just started and is kinda pulling me back into rugby. It's fun to watch because there are 45 teams from 16 different countries. I have never see so many old dudes drink and play rugby in one place. I tried playing last year with a local team but pulled out after the first game when our scrumhalf broke her ankle. I'm uninsured. If that had been me, I would have been screwed. I'm still uninsured right now but the team has been awesome to hang out with these last few days and I think I might drop in on practices and training/fitness sessions; no contact though. And what better way to rejoin rugby than having a training session at Kapiolani park with guest coaches Greg Somerville (a former All Black) and Stephan Larkham (a former Wallaby) who are here for the vintage tournament. The double rainbows and moon over Diamond head plus the gorgeous sunset over Waikiki as we practiced were pretty awesome too :)   

The roomie situations are evening out. It's not 100% fantastic but it's not as sucky as it used to be. I still have to plunge the tub occasionally but it doesn't happen every single time I have to take a shower so the angry part of the plunging is becoming a thing of the past. This in turn is helping with my zen "eh, fuck it all" attitude. I could do without the weird insinuations regarding the lack of testosterone in my life from the one chick who finally has some stable testosterone in hers though. Yes, all three of the housemates now have boyfriends. What is your point? Whatever. I'm taking it in stride. I find it completely ironic that someone who comes off as a feminist is telling me that my life is lacking without a man in it. As it is, I could definitely do with seeing less of her man in my house at all times of the day and night. 

The thesis stuff has barely been started but I'm feeling better about it. I should be able to (finally) focus on it once I get the work from this summer out of the way tonight. I am so glad I'm done with the postprocessing stuff. I didn't realize how annoying it could be to deal with inconsistent information. lol.

All in all, things are looking up :D   

Now all that is left is to chase UH for my money. It's the end of Sept and they haven't issued my Aug/Sept stipend. UH, y u no give me my moneh?!??

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women and cars.....when you actually perpetuate the stereotype

Have you ever had one of those moments when you go from "strong independent woman, hear me roar" to "face-palm....*sigh* women" because of a car?

That happened today.

I got out of pole and tried to start my car.

No bueno. Eff.

SO, I call AAA and the guy comes out. I assume the battery is dead, so does he.

It's not.

He takes my keys after the diagnostic test tells him my battery is still alive.

He then proceeds to start the car.

Awesome! I ask him what was wrong.

He gives me this grin and that typical amused man look. You know, the one that is associated with women and car trouble that isn't really car trouble at all but more of a woman driver issue. In my head canon, he was a couple steps away from petting me on the head and asking where my man was. But he was sweet about it, so whatever. I kinda totally deserved it. Lol.

Apparently, cars won't start if they're in R. They only start in P or N.

Huh, who knew??!?

So, he put my car in P and started it. Taadah!!

Errr.....fail. face-palm.

The end.

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It's 4pm on Saturday.

I've been trapped in my room all day doing work for a project that I do not think I'll be credited for because I'm only doing the postprocessing (aka all the grunt work) and not actually writing the report.
Meanwhile, my roomies are all enjoying nature or lazing around, neighbors are cutting grass and whatnot, and the construction workers next door are doing manly work, enjoying the sun and singing along to the 90s love songs blasting from their radio.

Fuck this.

I'm not cut out for working on a nice, sunny weekend. 

I'm going to pole.

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Apparently allergic to moldy blueberries. Who knew? Can't stop sneezing. FML

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