Guh....

What is it about cute, responsible, well-spoken, athletic guys becoming even more attractive when they're good with kids?!??

Argh! Ovary  explosion!

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What do you mean it's March?!?

Where did February go?

I've been trying to finish up but failing terribly at it. Self imposed deadlines keep getting pushed back and now I'm literally at the end of my grace period. Why, oh why do I keep procrastinating? Coulda shoulda woulda can't help me now but.....hindsight, right?

Feb has been trying for me. Stressed out and falling sick, I spent a week in total lock down (which didn't really help as much as it should have....and gave me a sore back n butt) and the rest of Feb trying to write, keep up with classes, internship, hosting some ill-timed guests, and just ....life. I've lost track of time and days and everything seems to be creeping up on me....deadlines, homework, Warrior Dash.....

I am super over grad school right now. I'm not sure how people do it. All I want to do is get done and do nothing for a long while after. lol.

So close and yet so far. sigh.

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kids: best (cute) birth control ever!

Spent part of this afternoon helping to coach youth rugby for the first time.

Personally, I thought it would be easy and the kids would be adorable since the age range is 6-13.

It was certainly something. I haven't really had to deal with kids in the past few years and boy, do I feel out of practice. Also, teaching a bunch of kids how to do anything.......its like herding cats. There's no other way to explain it. Herding a bunch of ADD kittens.

It was interesting, it was funny. It was also a little frustrating. Especially when I got thrown in to loosely ref a quick 4-on-4 touch thing with kids who range from pretty good to devastatingly bad in a facepalm way. Also, 6-13 is actually a pretty large age range AND body size range. It was kinda frustrating but hilarious.

Why am I doing this when I have to finish writing? 

While the baby fest my peers have been participating in have apparently been giving me the warm and fuzzy "I kinda want one, maybe" nesting feelings, an afternoon with a bunch of snarky little boys has effectively dampened it to a manageable level of "awww. how cute. lemme pet it and then you can take it away."

I guess everything has a purpose, huh?

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barley kut teh

That moment in life when you realize too late that the pot you're using to make barley has flavored said barley with the aroma and a hint of that bak kut teh taste from the bkt that was previously cooked in it.  Despite being washed like four times after the bak kut teh was done. Despite passing a sniff test AND getting a rinse before the barley was put in.

barley kut teh. where it tastes like barley but every time I go in to take a sip, it smells like I should be getting bak kut teh instead.

it's weird, it's indescribable, and it's kinda blowing my mind but there are starving children in the world right? waste not, want not and all that jazz.

Somehow, barley kut teh accurately sums up the crazy that has been my life this January. Not quite going my way but not really all that bad either.

hmmmm.

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fragile yet volatile, it's sad when they don't last

Well, I'm glad your yelling at me and twisting things around makes you feel better.

How do I land these types of friends/housemates again? Living alone seems like a very good option right about now.

Won't lie. Part of me is sad but a larger part is apathetic. This friendship has kinda been over for a while...at least for me it has. I'm glad you feel better blaming it on me but to be honest, mine is the fourth friendship you've lost since you've been here. Some of it is my fault but there's a pattern and it's pretty telling. There's too much drama and not enough owning up to things. Empty apologies thrown out now in blanket form don't count when you don't even know what you're apologising for. Also, thank you for throwing what was a sincere offer back in my face. For someone who is so "self-reflective" and "communicative," you obviously need to work on it a lot more. However, that said, I wish you all the best and seriously, good luck in trying to get your life together.

Here's to what started off as a beautiful friendship and just completely fell apart. I haven't had many of these in my life but as always, lesson learned.

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NYE

I had wondered, briefly, why I don't remember how I had celebrated the last two NYEs in Hawaii. It came to me later - I was in the bay area both years. And it made me miss celebrating Christmas and NYE in SF. A lot.

Hawaii can be pretty awesome but their NYE celebrations were definitely lacking. In hind sight, Waiks would have been the best place to celebrate it. With my intense dislike of tourists, that should tell you something about self-titled "party of the year" that I ended up going to. lol.

What I spent my NYE doing - listening to bad music, tottering around a damp and slightly muddy park by the waterfront in heels (never again), long lines for overpriced drinks that were limited to one per person per purchase, a countdown that started at 25 secs instead of 10 secs til, highlights including a ferris wheel and a mechanical bull ride, and a fireworks display that was all boom but could have been prettier. All this while running around with a gimp on crutches and a bunch of frat aged guys who kept getting lost and picking up horribly slutty tourists (one of whom was pretty rude because she thought I was shouldering in on her hook up for the night. Lady, you're welcome to him). All in all, it was a dash of city and a whole lot of country, Hawaiian style....basically amounting to a fairly frustrating night. lol. There's no way to accurately describe it. You would have had to have been here to understand the overpriced oxymoron that is a NYE block party in Hawaii.

It brought me back to my undergrad days and I could not have wished any harder for a cheaper, more mellow start to the year surrounded by friends and family. It wasn't all bad; I got to know a couple of the guys better (before they got super wasted. lol), I had a chance to start my year off by doing something nice for a couple of strangers, and had closure on an issue or two that was plaguing me. Beyond that, it made me realize how much I miss my friends and family and renewed my resolve to get so face time in soon. My semi-shitty night also reminded me of how much I appreciate everything and everyone in my life and how much I don't like running around and partying like I'm 21 again. lol.

Next year, I will get to the bay area/spain or die trying. lol. As much as I love the rugby team and Hawaii, I can do without a repeat performance of NYE 2012. 

Happy New Year! Hope yours was a lot better than mine!

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2012 in review

This is going to be kinda disjointed. I'm.....not sure what I am feeling right now. Stressed, hopeful, frustrated, elated, tired, happy, disappointed, cynical, amused, annoyed, satisfied, sad, headachy or a combination of all the above with many more mixed in. Is it even possible to feel all of that at once? I wish there was a single word that would explain exactly how I feel. I'm too distracted to focus on aimlessly surfing the internet but I feel the need to just talk about something other than the last hour or two of my life that I've wasted trying to be nice while not allowing my life to be put on hold for the convenience of someone else. Bear with me.

December has been crazy. I think I've been more social in the last month than I have in the last few semesters. In some ways, it's like undergrad all over again. lol. The semester ended on a fairly hectic but good note. I've done a bit of going around the island, mostly to show people around (which, unfortunately, isn't as fun as one would think) and hung out with people without deadlines hanging over my head. Although, that said, I've got the mother of all deadlines plaguing me right now and I'm nowhere near done. How I'm supposed to hand in the final draft of my thesis in mid-late Jan, I don't know. To make matters worse, my computer is spazzing on me >.< Here's to hoping it'll last until the end of the upcoming Spring semester.




Christmas was good. Pretty chill even with the crazy ham impulse buy (20 pounds!! wtf do I need with 20 lbs of ham?!?) and the stress baking. I've got 4 kinds of cookies, a cheesecake and brownies. And a whole lotta ham. It's pretty redic.

Finally got my birthday/christmas present in the mail today! My shiny new pole is here!! so stoked to put it up!! :D

I can't believe we're almost done with 2012 though.

When I look back, this year has definitely been one filled with ups and downs and whatnot. It started out so well then went to shit and is now starting to even out. The first part of the year was probably my hardest semester in grad school. Mostly because of the trouble I was having with a prof's teaching methods. I have to admit, at one point, I was pretty ready to throw in the towel and say fuck the scholarship because it really wasn't worth it. Not to mention the problems I had with a promising friendship that pretty much went down the drain. So, yeah, a super negative semester that was topped off with the anxiety of producing the thesis and thinking about the future.

Summer helped a bit in that I got to relax at home, make new friends and meet with old ones, and eat awesome food. The research bit in Cambodia was a mixed experience for sure. From a learning standpoint, it was a really good experience but the stress of being introduced to the joy of "office politics" and trying not to drown under a pretty ambitious project put a damper on the whole summer.

Being able to talk to other people who have been in my shoes during summer helped with the whole thesis anxiety and the second semester of the year started off on a high note. Roomie issues brought it down but eventually it evened out. I got through the semester with fewer battle scars than before and then got caught up in the social wave that is pole and rugby combined. A week or two ago, I thought that all in all, it wasn't a bad way to end the year. Spoke too fast I guess. Grandpa passed away just before Christmas and then today, it looks like my roomie troubles are back on track :/

I guess, I just have to buckle down for the rollercoaster that 2013 looks to be. Already I can tell that it's going to be a little insane. I've got about 3 weeks to write my entire thesis. Then back and forth with the editing and revisions before I defend in March >.< then off to KK for a wedding and back in time for the SAAs. Summer is still up in the air, as is the rest of my future. There are quite a few options but......we'll see how it goes. There's a good chance I'll be down in Mexico excavating for a month before I head back to Cambodia for 2 months of Angkor again if I can make it happen. Or I could be enslaved in a CRM job. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. Beyond summer, I don't know where my life is going. I'm pretty sure existential crisis #2 should be happening sometime next semester since I'm feeling the inklings of it even now.

So yeah, 2012 was crazy and it's not quite over just yet. I predict 2013 will be even more insane. Here's to hoping that I get through it intact. Things usually work out for me but I'm still crossing my fingers. The luck, I'm going to needs it.  

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one year older, not necessarily wiser

I think facebook is fascinating. Especially around birthday time. I love that it connects me with family and friends however far away.....and that I can fb stalk people. Don't judge. Everyone does it. Fb is the ultimate in privacy invasion. It's kinda awesome in a bad way :) I always think it's interesting to see who on fb drops by with a birthday greeting. Usually it's the typical suspects of family and friends which is always great. However, you also get randos who are obviously friends, but not close friends. I always wonder if they wander over to say happy birthday because fb tells them it's my birthday, if they're stalking me, or if fb's newsfeed just brings it up based on how many mutual friends write on that particular wall. Hmm. Who knows? Whatever it is, it's usually interesting to see people you think don't like you/are not close to you say hi. lol. It's not a bad thing, just interesting.

The birthday was mellow. I decided to say eff the fact that it's about time for finals by not doing anything the whole day. I baked and lounged around. And the housemates, busy with their last day of classes/working on finals, were conspicuously gone the entire day. It was awesome!! It's funny because people kept asking how I partied it up on my birthday when all I wanted was to have peace and quiet :) I did however, sandwich that awesome day of mellowness with a day of hanging out at Anna's and another of more Anna's and hitting Waiks. Sigh, every time I think waikiki is alright, I get there and wonder why I thought that :P Definitely a love hate relationship with sleezy waiks and its horrendous parking situation. 

In other news, I usually ignore the age thing cos I can't be bothered with how old I get. Except that apparently I'm heading into early puma-hood (because cougars = married/over 40? and pumas = single/late 20s/30s?)........urm....idek. Why are all the good ones taken and the attractive ones just coming out of jailbaitland? haha I told my sister that I feel like a dirty old woman. lol. But really, you'd have to be blind not to be tempted :D Note to self: do not ask how old that hot young thing is. It'll only end in thoughts of early pumahood. 

One year older, somewhat wiser, possibly tempted into early pumahood. Yay birthday 2012!

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almost done with this one

Can't believe the semester is close to over. It feels like I'm not sure where all the time went but then again, I do.

I've spent time researching poles and how to get one to Hawaii at minimal cost. I've spent time learning how to teach pole. I've spent time in school trying to make it through the semester even though it feels like I checked out a few weeks ago. I've spent time play some rugby. I've spent time hanging out with people and eating a ton of food. Can't say it wasn't time spent well but everything has gone by so fast.

The other day I checked my credit report and was told I have excellent credit. Yay? If only I had the money to back that up :)

Thanksgiving was mellow and I cooked my first ever turkey! Don't really know if I ever want to cook one again. First of all, it cut me as I was stuffing it. Even in death, turkies (what is the plural or trukey??) can apparently still get revenge. Secondly, I had leftovers for days. Ewww. Leftover turkey is not really my thing for more than a day. Next time, it's going to be thanksgiving ham or chicken. It's really not worth it otherwise.

Went to Kona last weekend for rugby. The girls didn't end up playing but it was a good bonding experience and we had a blast. I mean, a house full of very fit half naked guys who insist on keeping their shirts off? Who wouldn't? But really, all ogling aside, I've missed the rugby traditions of kangaroo court and drinking songs. And the idiotic hilarity of 20 plus people combined with about $500 worth of alcohol set up in a beertub. Classic. More importantly, I was introduced to the Zulu Warrior tradition (must be a guy rugby thing?) which involved beer and fruit and streaking (not me, other people) :D Totally an awesome weekend, I haven't stopped grinning :DD

My only complaint is that everything seems to be happening during the last week of school and finals week. Blurgh. So much to do, so little time. I can't wait to be done next week. Imma take a couple days to recuperate before diving into completing the thesis. I've got about a month, more than half of it to write still and I'm just waiting for the rush of the semester to end before I freak out. The good news is that the house is going to be half empty so I get to have quiet cram time for a bit. Can't wait. 

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obsession? maybe

Went to the History of Pole show Pam was putting on last night at the Fringe Festival. It was awesome. 10 performers, one solid hour of poling. The eye candy didn't hurt of course :D

Last night helped me make a decision I was eventually going to make a few weeks from now after a lot of hemming and hawing due to my kiamsap student ways - I'm gonna drop them big green ones to get my own pole. YAY! I won't lie and say it isn't a little daunting since it's probably going to be the most expensive thing I have ever owned in my life apart from my car. But I'm currently trying to convince myself that it really isn't my money (because it isn't. It's coming from my stipend. Thank you higher education for providing for my "living costs"......exercise is totally a necessity for living, right?) and it's working. Kinda. I need to tack on early birthday and christmas present to myself in order to be fully convinced.

Instead of talking myself out of purchasing 9 ft plus of stainless steel amazingness, I'm just going to remind myself how much pole has become a part of my life.

When I walk down a street, I look at sign posts and judge their street poling worthiness (fyi, stop signs, no parking signs and ped crossing signs are worthy ;p). Instead of falling asleep at boring lectures, I zone out and make up pole routines. I watch youtube tutorials and my fingers itch to try them out. I'm saving money to go to Vegas next year for the Pole Convention. I'm trying to figure out how to take a pole with me to Asia while I'm doing my summer research. I'm going to be teaching an intro this Saturday. I have business cards that the studio made for me proclaiming that I am a "pole fitness instructor" (which, hahahahahahaahaha. seriously, I have business cards!).

If you can't tell, I'm kinda into it. :)

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Anderson

This week has been pretty interesting. Benedict Anderson (of imagined communities fame) came to visit for a week and held several talks and a seminar. The grad seminar wasn't really a seminar at all but more of a Q and A session with him doling out bits of writing wisdom here and there. I'm glad I didn't dedicate hours and hours to reading the two books that were required (yay procrastination!) otherwise I would have been pretty annoyed. They were good reads but not to my interest and definitely not useful for my current research. The annoying part for most people was that the professors tricked us into reading them as a requirement to attend this seminar, (but with 40 plus people, it could not be a seminar in earnest) and yet Anderson himself didn't know that we had read them (lol) and we didn't actually get to discuss them. Sneaky, sneaky profs. However, some of us did manage to have dinner with him (yay dept sponsored meal!!) and I think he's a lovely and funny old guy. I totally want him to adopt him and make him be my gay grandpa :D

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When life takes you to new places

This week has been a little hectic for me, mostly because my extracurriculars suddenly aligned and I couldn't skip any of the classes or practices.

Somehow, what was supposed to be a drink or two with the rugby fellas turned into a couple of drinks and some of us ending up at a strip club. lol. Got my strip club cherry popped but in all honestly, I don't think I would go back voluntarily. It was a little weird (not helped by the fact that one of the guys kept telling the girls that it was my first time so I got "extra" attention) and didn't do much for me but make me blush. A lot. I mean, yeah, I check out other girls and think some girls are hot but I could live life perfectly well without ever having another girl's crotch or ass waved in my face. I think I had more fun patron watching than watching the girls writhe and strip. haha. The anthropologist in me loved it, the regular me kinda cringed at some of the creepers in the crowd. My friend and I being mistaken for "off duty" strippers as we were waiting outside the club for the rest of our party only brought the experience to new levels of amusing (for me at least; my friend was pissed. lol).

All in all, can't say that I'd want to go back to an all girl's strip club but now I think I may need to pay a visit to a club with male strippers.......for comparison purposes, of course. Gotta be thorough in scientific experiments, right?  ;p

Anyway, as nutty and tiring as this week has been, today was awesome.

Here's why:

Nailed it on the first try!! :D

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naturalization

I'm seriously considering American citizenship.

It's been in the back of my mind for a while now. Mostly because many of the jobs in Archaeology involve the federal government and a green card doesn't cut it with them. I understand the rationale but man, it's a pain in the butt. I was scrolling through jobs and internships and scholarships the other night and I realized that about 80% were out of my reach because I'm not a citizen. And that's not only in the field of archaeology! I looked into historic preservation and museum stuff too! Lol. Even when I try to branch out into related but distinctly different fields, I run into the same wall.

I'll probably spend the next few weeks researching it but my green card is up for renewal next year so it makes this the perfect time to make the transition if possible.  INS, as usual, aren't as helpful as they like to think they are.....which is fine I guess since I'm going to have to grill the people I know who have been naturalized anyway.

I'll also have to figure out how to maintain Malaysian citizenship as well.

We'll see how it all works out.

I guess this year is the year for making life changing decisions :)

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connecting

It's been a weird weekend. The other two roomies were off in SF and I was all alone with the roomie that I'm having friendship issues with. Not on her part, just mine. It's a habit of mine to forgive but not forget. I'm wondering if that is worse than the other way 'round only because the not forgetting part stalls the forgiving process. lol. I don't think we'll even get back to the level of friendship we had last year before she went all crazy on me and what not but we probably talked the more this weekend than in the entire time we've been living together since the semester started. It's nice to think that some of the hurt is healing for me; enough that I can really put it behind me. It helps that she was on the outs with her new bf this weekend (I don't mean that in a bad way at all; I hope they work out because they could be really good for each other) but it did mean a few quiet days at home where we were forced to interact without other people in the way and just hang out and talk (mainly her going on about her bf situation). But whatever it was, it feels (to me) like something has shifted and the atmosphere is lighter (at least in my mind, it does). I think we're much better off now and it'll be a healthier living situation all around. Maybe it's just me but whatever this weekend was, I'm glad the weirdness worked out :)

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moments of contentedness

I've got the house to myself tonight.

Ahhhhh, peace and quiet. Two of the roomies are off to SF for a conference (lucky duckies) and the third is probably off with her guy. I'm blissfully alone. It's awesome :D

Just signed up for the Warrior Dash this coming Feb. It's a 5km/3mi course with at least 12 obstacles along the way. It's supposed to be wet and muddy and dirty and amazing fun. Followed by beer and such. My pole buddies convinced me to sign up (read: peer pressure) and I did; quickly, so I wouldn't have to think about the cost, the fundraising I accidentally committed myself to, and the basic fact that I. Don't. Run. Oh whelps, I have what, 5 months to get into shape and raise some money for St. Judes children's hospital.....totally doable.

Speaking of getting into shape, I'm starting to get back my pole strength :)Yay! Still not flexi tho.

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