2012 in review

This is going to be kinda disjointed. I'm.....not sure what I am feeling right now. Stressed, hopeful, frustrated, elated, tired, happy, disappointed, cynical, amused, annoyed, satisfied, sad, headachy or a combination of all the above with many more mixed in. Is it even possible to feel all of that at once? I wish there was a single word that would explain exactly how I feel. I'm too distracted to focus on aimlessly surfing the internet but I feel the need to just talk about something other than the last hour or two of my life that I've wasted trying to be nice while not allowing my life to be put on hold for the convenience of someone else. Bear with me.

December has been crazy. I think I've been more social in the last month than I have in the last few semesters. In some ways, it's like undergrad all over again. lol. The semester ended on a fairly hectic but good note. I've done a bit of going around the island, mostly to show people around (which, unfortunately, isn't as fun as one would think) and hung out with people without deadlines hanging over my head. Although, that said, I've got the mother of all deadlines plaguing me right now and I'm nowhere near done. How I'm supposed to hand in the final draft of my thesis in mid-late Jan, I don't know. To make matters worse, my computer is spazzing on me >.< Here's to hoping it'll last until the end of the upcoming Spring semester.




Christmas was good. Pretty chill even with the crazy ham impulse buy (20 pounds!! wtf do I need with 20 lbs of ham?!?) and the stress baking. I've got 4 kinds of cookies, a cheesecake and brownies. And a whole lotta ham. It's pretty redic.

Finally got my birthday/christmas present in the mail today! My shiny new pole is here!! so stoked to put it up!! :D

I can't believe we're almost done with 2012 though.

When I look back, this year has definitely been one filled with ups and downs and whatnot. It started out so well then went to shit and is now starting to even out. The first part of the year was probably my hardest semester in grad school. Mostly because of the trouble I was having with a prof's teaching methods. I have to admit, at one point, I was pretty ready to throw in the towel and say fuck the scholarship because it really wasn't worth it. Not to mention the problems I had with a promising friendship that pretty much went down the drain. So, yeah, a super negative semester that was topped off with the anxiety of producing the thesis and thinking about the future.

Summer helped a bit in that I got to relax at home, make new friends and meet with old ones, and eat awesome food. The research bit in Cambodia was a mixed experience for sure. From a learning standpoint, it was a really good experience but the stress of being introduced to the joy of "office politics" and trying not to drown under a pretty ambitious project put a damper on the whole summer.

Being able to talk to other people who have been in my shoes during summer helped with the whole thesis anxiety and the second semester of the year started off on a high note. Roomie issues brought it down but eventually it evened out. I got through the semester with fewer battle scars than before and then got caught up in the social wave that is pole and rugby combined. A week or two ago, I thought that all in all, it wasn't a bad way to end the year. Spoke too fast I guess. Grandpa passed away just before Christmas and then today, it looks like my roomie troubles are back on track :/

I guess, I just have to buckle down for the rollercoaster that 2013 looks to be. Already I can tell that it's going to be a little insane. I've got about 3 weeks to write my entire thesis. Then back and forth with the editing and revisions before I defend in March >.< then off to KK for a wedding and back in time for the SAAs. Summer is still up in the air, as is the rest of my future. There are quite a few options but......we'll see how it goes. There's a good chance I'll be down in Mexico excavating for a month before I head back to Cambodia for 2 months of Angkor again if I can make it happen. Or I could be enslaved in a CRM job. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. Beyond summer, I don't know where my life is going. I'm pretty sure existential crisis #2 should be happening sometime next semester since I'm feeling the inklings of it even now.

So yeah, 2012 was crazy and it's not quite over just yet. I predict 2013 will be even more insane. Here's to hoping that I get through it intact. Things usually work out for me but I'm still crossing my fingers. The luck, I'm going to needs it.  

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one year older, not necessarily wiser

I think facebook is fascinating. Especially around birthday time. I love that it connects me with family and friends however far away.....and that I can fb stalk people. Don't judge. Everyone does it. Fb is the ultimate in privacy invasion. It's kinda awesome in a bad way :) I always think it's interesting to see who on fb drops by with a birthday greeting. Usually it's the typical suspects of family and friends which is always great. However, you also get randos who are obviously friends, but not close friends. I always wonder if they wander over to say happy birthday because fb tells them it's my birthday, if they're stalking me, or if fb's newsfeed just brings it up based on how many mutual friends write on that particular wall. Hmm. Who knows? Whatever it is, it's usually interesting to see people you think don't like you/are not close to you say hi. lol. It's not a bad thing, just interesting.

The birthday was mellow. I decided to say eff the fact that it's about time for finals by not doing anything the whole day. I baked and lounged around. And the housemates, busy with their last day of classes/working on finals, were conspicuously gone the entire day. It was awesome!! It's funny because people kept asking how I partied it up on my birthday when all I wanted was to have peace and quiet :) I did however, sandwich that awesome day of mellowness with a day of hanging out at Anna's and another of more Anna's and hitting Waiks. Sigh, every time I think waikiki is alright, I get there and wonder why I thought that :P Definitely a love hate relationship with sleezy waiks and its horrendous parking situation. 

In other news, I usually ignore the age thing cos I can't be bothered with how old I get. Except that apparently I'm heading into early puma-hood (because cougars = married/over 40? and pumas = single/late 20s/30s?)........urm....idek. Why are all the good ones taken and the attractive ones just coming out of jailbaitland? haha I told my sister that I feel like a dirty old woman. lol. But really, you'd have to be blind not to be tempted :D Note to self: do not ask how old that hot young thing is. It'll only end in thoughts of early pumahood. 

One year older, somewhat wiser, possibly tempted into early pumahood. Yay birthday 2012!

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almost done with this one

Can't believe the semester is close to over. It feels like I'm not sure where all the time went but then again, I do.

I've spent time researching poles and how to get one to Hawaii at minimal cost. I've spent time learning how to teach pole. I've spent time in school trying to make it through the semester even though it feels like I checked out a few weeks ago. I've spent time play some rugby. I've spent time hanging out with people and eating a ton of food. Can't say it wasn't time spent well but everything has gone by so fast.

The other day I checked my credit report and was told I have excellent credit. Yay? If only I had the money to back that up :)

Thanksgiving was mellow and I cooked my first ever turkey! Don't really know if I ever want to cook one again. First of all, it cut me as I was stuffing it. Even in death, turkies (what is the plural or trukey??) can apparently still get revenge. Secondly, I had leftovers for days. Ewww. Leftover turkey is not really my thing for more than a day. Next time, it's going to be thanksgiving ham or chicken. It's really not worth it otherwise.

Went to Kona last weekend for rugby. The girls didn't end up playing but it was a good bonding experience and we had a blast. I mean, a house full of very fit half naked guys who insist on keeping their shirts off? Who wouldn't? But really, all ogling aside, I've missed the rugby traditions of kangaroo court and drinking songs. And the idiotic hilarity of 20 plus people combined with about $500 worth of alcohol set up in a beertub. Classic. More importantly, I was introduced to the Zulu Warrior tradition (must be a guy rugby thing?) which involved beer and fruit and streaking (not me, other people) :D Totally an awesome weekend, I haven't stopped grinning :DD

My only complaint is that everything seems to be happening during the last week of school and finals week. Blurgh. So much to do, so little time. I can't wait to be done next week. Imma take a couple days to recuperate before diving into completing the thesis. I've got about a month, more than half of it to write still and I'm just waiting for the rush of the semester to end before I freak out. The good news is that the house is going to be half empty so I get to have quiet cram time for a bit. Can't wait. 

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obsession? maybe

Went to the History of Pole show Pam was putting on last night at the Fringe Festival. It was awesome. 10 performers, one solid hour of poling. The eye candy didn't hurt of course :D

Last night helped me make a decision I was eventually going to make a few weeks from now after a lot of hemming and hawing due to my kiamsap student ways - I'm gonna drop them big green ones to get my own pole. YAY! I won't lie and say it isn't a little daunting since it's probably going to be the most expensive thing I have ever owned in my life apart from my car. But I'm currently trying to convince myself that it really isn't my money (because it isn't. It's coming from my stipend. Thank you higher education for providing for my "living costs"......exercise is totally a necessity for living, right?) and it's working. Kinda. I need to tack on early birthday and christmas present to myself in order to be fully convinced.

Instead of talking myself out of purchasing 9 ft plus of stainless steel amazingness, I'm just going to remind myself how much pole has become a part of my life.

When I walk down a street, I look at sign posts and judge their street poling worthiness (fyi, stop signs, no parking signs and ped crossing signs are worthy ;p). Instead of falling asleep at boring lectures, I zone out and make up pole routines. I watch youtube tutorials and my fingers itch to try them out. I'm saving money to go to Vegas next year for the Pole Convention. I'm trying to figure out how to take a pole with me to Asia while I'm doing my summer research. I'm going to be teaching an intro this Saturday. I have business cards that the studio made for me proclaiming that I am a "pole fitness instructor" (which, hahahahahahaahaha. seriously, I have business cards!).

If you can't tell, I'm kinda into it. :)

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Anderson

This week has been pretty interesting. Benedict Anderson (of imagined communities fame) came to visit for a week and held several talks and a seminar. The grad seminar wasn't really a seminar at all but more of a Q and A session with him doling out bits of writing wisdom here and there. I'm glad I didn't dedicate hours and hours to reading the two books that were required (yay procrastination!) otherwise I would have been pretty annoyed. They were good reads but not to my interest and definitely not useful for my current research. The annoying part for most people was that the professors tricked us into reading them as a requirement to attend this seminar, (but with 40 plus people, it could not be a seminar in earnest) and yet Anderson himself didn't know that we had read them (lol) and we didn't actually get to discuss them. Sneaky, sneaky profs. However, some of us did manage to have dinner with him (yay dept sponsored meal!!) and I think he's a lovely and funny old guy. I totally want him to adopt him and make him be my gay grandpa :D

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When life takes you to new places

This week has been a little hectic for me, mostly because my extracurriculars suddenly aligned and I couldn't skip any of the classes or practices.

Somehow, what was supposed to be a drink or two with the rugby fellas turned into a couple of drinks and some of us ending up at a strip club. lol. Got my strip club cherry popped but in all honestly, I don't think I would go back voluntarily. It was a little weird (not helped by the fact that one of the guys kept telling the girls that it was my first time so I got "extra" attention) and didn't do much for me but make me blush. A lot. I mean, yeah, I check out other girls and think some girls are hot but I could live life perfectly well without ever having another girl's crotch or ass waved in my face. I think I had more fun patron watching than watching the girls writhe and strip. haha. The anthropologist in me loved it, the regular me kinda cringed at some of the creepers in the crowd. My friend and I being mistaken for "off duty" strippers as we were waiting outside the club for the rest of our party only brought the experience to new levels of amusing (for me at least; my friend was pissed. lol).

All in all, can't say that I'd want to go back to an all girl's strip club but now I think I may need to pay a visit to a club with male strippers.......for comparison purposes, of course. Gotta be thorough in scientific experiments, right?  ;p

Anyway, as nutty and tiring as this week has been, today was awesome.

Here's why:

Nailed it on the first try!! :D

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naturalization

I'm seriously considering American citizenship.

It's been in the back of my mind for a while now. Mostly because many of the jobs in Archaeology involve the federal government and a green card doesn't cut it with them. I understand the rationale but man, it's a pain in the butt. I was scrolling through jobs and internships and scholarships the other night and I realized that about 80% were out of my reach because I'm not a citizen. And that's not only in the field of archaeology! I looked into historic preservation and museum stuff too! Lol. Even when I try to branch out into related but distinctly different fields, I run into the same wall.

I'll probably spend the next few weeks researching it but my green card is up for renewal next year so it makes this the perfect time to make the transition if possible.  INS, as usual, aren't as helpful as they like to think they are.....which is fine I guess since I'm going to have to grill the people I know who have been naturalized anyway.

I'll also have to figure out how to maintain Malaysian citizenship as well.

We'll see how it all works out.

I guess this year is the year for making life changing decisions :)

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connecting

It's been a weird weekend. The other two roomies were off in SF and I was all alone with the roomie that I'm having friendship issues with. Not on her part, just mine. It's a habit of mine to forgive but not forget. I'm wondering if that is worse than the other way 'round only because the not forgetting part stalls the forgiving process. lol. I don't think we'll even get back to the level of friendship we had last year before she went all crazy on me and what not but we probably talked the more this weekend than in the entire time we've been living together since the semester started. It's nice to think that some of the hurt is healing for me; enough that I can really put it behind me. It helps that she was on the outs with her new bf this weekend (I don't mean that in a bad way at all; I hope they work out because they could be really good for each other) but it did mean a few quiet days at home where we were forced to interact without other people in the way and just hang out and talk (mainly her going on about her bf situation). But whatever it was, it feels (to me) like something has shifted and the atmosphere is lighter (at least in my mind, it does). I think we're much better off now and it'll be a healthier living situation all around. Maybe it's just me but whatever this weekend was, I'm glad the weirdness worked out :)

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moments of contentedness

I've got the house to myself tonight.

Ahhhhh, peace and quiet. Two of the roomies are off to SF for a conference (lucky duckies) and the third is probably off with her guy. I'm blissfully alone. It's awesome :D

Just signed up for the Warrior Dash this coming Feb. It's a 5km/3mi course with at least 12 obstacles along the way. It's supposed to be wet and muddy and dirty and amazing fun. Followed by beer and such. My pole buddies convinced me to sign up (read: peer pressure) and I did; quickly, so I wouldn't have to think about the cost, the fundraising I accidentally committed myself to, and the basic fact that I. Don't. Run. Oh whelps, I have what, 5 months to get into shape and raise some money for St. Judes children's hospital.....totally doable.

Speaking of getting into shape, I'm starting to get back my pole strength :)Yay! Still not flexi tho.

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Miserably, dangerously allergic to dryer sheets tossing around in a dryer, apart from them being toxic in general, that is.

I wonder if there are epipens for that sort of thing

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what a day

Today was weird. seriously.

It started off blah, went to shit, and now I can't stop grinning.

My nose was running all day but I can't figure out what bit of Hawaii I'm allergic to. It's driving me nuts.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing but I'm apparently the new VP of the Anth Grad Student Association. Huh. I accepted the nomination cos I was thinking, what the heck, there are 4 other ppl running, I'm never gonna win. Oops? lol. I can't back out now and I'll have to reshuffle my entire schedule in order to make meetings and what not. I guess it'll look good on the CV but now I gotta find some pet projects I want to foster.

I also tried to track down my missing check. I think it's incredibly sad that ppl say "What did you expect? It's UH" when things go wrong here. But in that sense, they're right. I wasn't even surprised to find out that UH, in revamping their fiscal system, managed to take a system that worked just fine and "upgraded" to a system that sucks balls. Big, dirty, unwashed, hairy balls. Seriously. Of course the upside of it is that the ppl who work at UH are incredibly nice and apologetic for all the dumbassery that happens almost on a daily basis here. That's nice but I have to pay rent tomorrow. Stop screwing me over and gimme my moneh UH!! It sucks that I can only shake my fists, shake my head, more exasperated/resigned than angry, and think about how UH has been fucking me over since before I even got here.  

Despite the issues of today, the roommate sagas are finally producing entertainment. Kinda. Just minding our business in the middle of the night when the house starts shaking like we're experiencing an earthquake. A rather......rhythmic earthquake. Hmmm. The Jap roomie runs out of her room and starts panicking and freaking out about it.....until LA roomie and I calm her down and inform her that Hawaii doesn't get earthquakes. It's just the newest roomie going at it with her new bf.  ROLF. Earthquake. Oh, Jap roomie, I love you. You just made my night. :D Also, note to self, apparently vigorous sexy times might literally bring the walls down in this rickety old house. Good to know.

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upswing

Whew.

What a week. It's been pretty busy since I've been back and I was feeling fairly blah about it but in the last week it's been even busier and yet I feel great; like I'm finally getting into the swing of things. Feeling more social, being more social.

Pole is coming along well. I'm gaining back the strength that I lost over the summer and learning some rad moves. I'm also learning how to teach the lower levels. Excited about that for sure!

I like the new anthro cohort that have just come in. They are definitely an upbeat bunch and combining that with the outgoing fellas from last year's cohort, I finally feel like there's an academic community that I can rely on. It is an awesome feeling to be able to talk to other people in my situation who are right here.

The Hawaii Vintage Rugby festival, a week long event, has also just started and is kinda pulling me back into rugby. It's fun to watch because there are 45 teams from 16 different countries. I have never see so many old dudes drink and play rugby in one place. I tried playing last year with a local team but pulled out after the first game when our scrumhalf broke her ankle. I'm uninsured. If that had been me, I would have been screwed. I'm still uninsured right now but the team has been awesome to hang out with these last few days and I think I might drop in on practices and training/fitness sessions; no contact though. And what better way to rejoin rugby than having a training session at Kapiolani park with guest coaches Greg Somerville (a former All Black) and Stephan Larkham (a former Wallaby) who are here for the vintage tournament. The double rainbows and moon over Diamond head plus the gorgeous sunset over Waikiki as we practiced were pretty awesome too :)   

The roomie situations are evening out. It's not 100% fantastic but it's not as sucky as it used to be. I still have to plunge the tub occasionally but it doesn't happen every single time I have to take a shower so the angry part of the plunging is becoming a thing of the past. This in turn is helping with my zen "eh, fuck it all" attitude. I could do without the weird insinuations regarding the lack of testosterone in my life from the one chick who finally has some stable testosterone in hers though. Yes, all three of the housemates now have boyfriends. What is your point? Whatever. I'm taking it in stride. I find it completely ironic that someone who comes off as a feminist is telling me that my life is lacking without a man in it. As it is, I could definitely do with seeing less of her man in my house at all times of the day and night. 

The thesis stuff has barely been started but I'm feeling better about it. I should be able to (finally) focus on it once I get the work from this summer out of the way tonight. I am so glad I'm done with the postprocessing stuff. I didn't realize how annoying it could be to deal with inconsistent information. lol.

All in all, things are looking up :D   

Now all that is left is to chase UH for my money. It's the end of Sept and they haven't issued my Aug/Sept stipend. UH, y u no give me my moneh?!??

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women and cars.....when you actually perpetuate the stereotype

Have you ever had one of those moments when you go from "strong independent woman, hear me roar" to "face-palm....*sigh* women" because of a car?

That happened today.

I got out of pole and tried to start my car.

No bueno. Eff.

SO, I call AAA and the guy comes out. I assume the battery is dead, so does he.

It's not.

He takes my keys after the diagnostic test tells him my battery is still alive.

He then proceeds to start the car.

Awesome! I ask him what was wrong.

He gives me this grin and that typical amused man look. You know, the one that is associated with women and car trouble that isn't really car trouble at all but more of a woman driver issue. In my head canon, he was a couple steps away from petting me on the head and asking where my man was. But he was sweet about it, so whatever. I kinda totally deserved it. Lol.

Apparently, cars won't start if they're in R. They only start in P or N.

Huh, who knew??!?

So, he put my car in P and started it. Taadah!!

Errr.....fail. face-palm.

The end.

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It's 4pm on Saturday.

I've been trapped in my room all day doing work for a project that I do not think I'll be credited for because I'm only doing the postprocessing (aka all the grunt work) and not actually writing the report.
Meanwhile, my roomies are all enjoying nature or lazing around, neighbors are cutting grass and whatnot, and the construction workers next door are doing manly work, enjoying the sun and singing along to the 90s love songs blasting from their radio.

Fuck this.

I'm not cut out for working on a nice, sunny weekend. 

I'm going to pole.

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Apparently allergic to moldy blueberries. Who knew? Can't stop sneezing. FML

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When it gets to be too much

I don't get it. How is it that you make such a calculative distinction and yet still believe you're the greatest friend in the world, all sunshine and butterflies?

where having me drive you is the preferred option to borrowing the car. 

Having me drive you means you don't have to pay for gas because I'm doing you a "favor"

versus

Borrowing the car (and not wasting my time, at your convenience) means that you will have to put in a couple dollars, probably not more than five, towards gas costs. FYI, gas is about $4.50 a gallon.

You skirt around the issue, trying to get me to stumble into the outcome you want. And you call me manipulative.

Nope. I'm not playing that game anymore. I'm done selflessly offering favors for free. I can't count how many favors I have given you. I'm done with the American mentality of using people because you can, it's America, it's what you're entitled to. 

Why should it cost ME time/money every single time to do YOU a favor?

Sigh. While many of the people I have met and become friends with over the years are amazing people, it feels like sometimes, America and some Americans are slowly destroying my soul. Every year is one more step towards being jaded and more disillusioned. Every year, I want to give less of myself to be taken advantage of and trampled. I want to be able to do something decent for someone and not have people react like they can't understand why somebody would go out of their way for other human beings. I obviously need to find new friends.Or distance myself from the current troublemakers (work in progress). I miss the supportive network I had on the mainland. I'm finding a new one here but like all good things, it is slow going.  But it gives me hope :)

Life really isn't bad at all but it's the little things that slowly build up where that one final piece breaks the camel's back and everything comes tumbling down. Today was my final piece, hence the annoyed and slightly sad/introspective mood that sparked this rant. It's still instinctive for me to help people out whenever I can but I'm getting more self protective when I do it. It's times like this when I miss Asia and the Asian collectivist mentality/society the most. America is awesome, but there really is no place like home.

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Angry Plunging

Here's the thing; my house is old. Like really old. It creaks and groans with every gust of wind and it tilts a little to one side. That's okay. I'm told it's called "character."

So, my house is a 60 year old geriatric woman with plumbing just as old and finicky. We have one bathtub that we're not allowed to take baths in. Showers are okay but a full bathtub will cause serious structural damage somehow (like the floor might collapse). I'd rather not test that out.

Regardless, four girls using one bathtub quickly equals to the tiny drain clogging up. No problemo. Hair catcher, draino, plunger. We gots it. 

Living with girls is oft times disgusting. You think I would have learnt my lesson after living with about 40 other women in college but noooooooooo, I'm just a (well prepared) glutton for punishment.      

With the new housemates, it's taking a little longer to work house things out. Chore rotation, fridge space, cabinet space, etc. What is really driving me nuts is the girl who only believes in using natural products (aka expensive LUSH products) which is fine; it's her money. What is not fine is when she clogs the drain daily with all her crap. Between the very large hairballs in the hair catcher and the oats she leaves behind on the bathtub floor like some very industrious bird decided to go to town on a poop spree, I have to plunge the bathtub (draino at this point doesn't even work anymore) every time I take a shower. Angrily. Vigorously. For minutes on end. I actually have to switch arms; I'm angrily plunging that hard. The alternative is to take a shower standing in her waste water. Ewww. Not happening. I'd rather be stinky for days instead. Or plunge angrily.

The only solution is to talk to her. A general note about cleaning out the shower after every shower is not working at all as I've just discovered. It's time for an intervention. Otherwise, I'll have big muscular man arms, no neck, and my face set in that permanent concentrated scowl of angry plunging.

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I guess I'm back.....

afternoon delight - temp roommate needs to not have it when I iz trying to do works because her bed shares a desk with my wall and my desk keeps movin' .....

Ahhhh, yes. This is how you know you're back living in poor student land.

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one week in

I'm going to seriously try to keep a diary of this summer's excavation in Cambodia. For realz this time. Here are a couple of excerpts from last week that I've kinda patched together to sum up the week:

June 15, 2012
Dear  Archaeological Log,

I’m one week in. So far, the count is Charmaine: 36; Mosquitoes 58; Ants: 1. I am almost certain that they’re out to get me. It can’t be anything other than a conspiracy. I’m sure everyone else is just as tasty. Hopefully they get tired of Chinese-Malaysian take-out soon. I’m not sure I’ll have all that much left to give by the end of two months here. It’s just a little insane that I’m averaging about 5-10 bites a day. I’m here for two months. Do the math. It’s not pretty. I’m not sure what it is that I possess that makes me mosquito catnip but it’s probably the most useless gift that keeps on giving. Whatever it is, I need to bottle it up to spray on everyone else to spread the love around.This is redic.

It’s the end of the work week. Seriously, TGIF. To be honest, the work wasn’t really hard this week. In fact, we’ve had a pretty slow start. We started off with inventory-ing (is that even a word?) the ceramic assemblage from one of the excavation units that the previous phase had collected earlier in the year. It was kinda awesome in a confusing and fairly mind-numbing way. In order to do the inventory for the unit, we went through five boxes of ceramic sherds and learnt how to distinguish the different types; roughly sorting and weighing them. 

What’s really exciting about the Kok Phnov site is the fact that they’ve discovered a new type of ceramics they’ve decided to call Kok Phnov ware (nobody ever said archaeologists were creative in the naming of stuff). It’s great; from my understanding, it is like the slightly special lovechild of Khmer stoneware and earthenware and is affectionately nicknamed crap(py) ware. It tends to look and sound like stoneware but has a body/paste that looks and feels like earthenware. It also has a clear glaze that is often times pretty ugly due to the accidental inclusion of ash or whatnot or is self-slipped (self-glazed). As interesting as it was to be handling these unique pieces for hours on end, by the time we hit day three, we felt like we were done with the crap ware – we were rooting around in the dredges of the excavation unit booty and it was quite frustrating trying to figure out the difference between the earthenware and the high fired ware. Apparently the easiest way to tell the difference is to tap two sherds (or a fingernail against a sherd) together and listen to the difference in sound quality (stoneware tends to ring hollow and higher while earthenware is more of a dull thud) or factor in the weight (stoneware is heavier), quality, look, decoration, feel, etc of the sherd. Huh, easy peasy right? Uhhhh, no, not really. I felt like an undertrained monkey failing monkey school with all the tapping and manhandling each sherd went through before it got dropped into a pile. Even after determining which pile it belonged to following some serious scientific testing (see above for the rigorous scientific methods employed), I still felt confused about what was what. Like I said, frustrating.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to head out into the field for a walk-about to survey and familiarize ourselves with the area and figure out where to drop in a unit or two. Man, I wasn’t all that happy when we were out there. In fact, I think I melted a bit in the blazing hot Cambodian sun. So much respect for the Khmer farmers who do their back breaking labor under that crazy hot sun day in and day out. The good news: I didn’t get sunburned. The bad news: despite drinking about two and a half liters of water and a coconut, I was headachy and dehydrated by the time we got back to the research center. Bleargh. It got to the point where I had to come to terms with my hatred of Royal D (like powdered Gatorade) and consume it along with some meds before jumping in the shower to cool off with what was possibly the most lukewarm cold shower I have ever had the dubious pleasure to experience. Well, long story short, possible heat stroke crisis averted! Yay!

Today, we went out to the site to map in the grid and set the site up so that we can start Monday off with a ceremony (to appease the spirits) and begin surface artifact collection. It wasn’t a bad day per say but definitely not one of my best. Lol. I managed to slice my finger on a blade of grass which, in the tradition of all good papercut-like wounds everywhere, proceeded to bleed like nobody’s business. I also managed to prance right into a bush of thorns. Alright, I admit I shouldn’t have been prancing but when you’re in empty ricefields, what else are you going to do? And perhaps, I should follow that one proverb about looking before leaping (literally) but I totally forgot what interacting with real nature was like. Unfortunately for me, I’m beginning to remember…..and quite painfully at that. But other than a few nature related mishaps on my part, we triangulated like bosses…..not quite accurate bosses but bosses nonetheless. Whatever. Accuracy is overrated. Okay, not really but in the case of our surface collection method, we've got margins for triangulation and material errors.

 Our fearless leaders leading the way on the walk-about through the site.

 Nice and flat but nto much in the way of shade. My new hangout for the next few weeks.

 Walking though Ta Prohm to identify possible sites to drop test units, we snuck into the area the Indian team is using to work on the restoration of the Hall of Dancers.

 Headless Buddhas waiting to be put back into the reconstructed temple.

Fancy doodads for reconstruction work. I think it's for cutting stone.

 Performing our civic duty for the day - untangling a baby cow

(yes, I know they're called calves. I just like baby cow better).

 Putting those kindergarten life skills to use by coloring inside the lines :D

Yeah, this is what life is like for an archaeologist.

It's a full house at the research center and two of the guys were leaving so we had a pig feast. 

That's a 22kg pig! Needless to say, there was a lot of pork to go around!  

To make up for such a busy week, I bummed around for most of the weekend, only venturing into town on Saturday for lunch with the roomie and to show her around town (it took all of 10 minutes. lol) and to do a bit of shopping (I bought a krama!).

It's been pretty slow and easy this past week but I know for sure it's gonna pick up once we start work at the site. 

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All over the place

Woo. The end of the semester came and went by pretty damn fast. Not my best semester but I managed to survive. Man, so glad I'm done; hoping next sem isn't as much of an emotional roller coaster. The whole housing situation totally worked out too so I don't have to pay rent until I get back in August! Yay!

The three weeks at home flew by in a blur as well. I mainly spent it over-eating, sleeping and terrorizing my brother with love :D Oh, and meeting up with people. I even went to a photo project on bersih my friend was organizing with some other local photographers. They did it in this abandoned mansion in Bangsar which made it interesting. I also took a couple of pole classes which were pretty awesome - I managed to learn quite a few new moves and start on a handspring mount to eventually go into a jack knife (http://poledancedictionary.com/moves/276/chinese-flag-contortion/) which will come in handy for when I get back to the 808 and start up superstars. Just need to remember to keep up with the core and strengthening exercises so I can actually pull moves like those off.

I'm in Cambodia now. Have been for the last two days. Tonight is the last night of freedom before the kuli work starts up. My day starts at 5.30 AM tomorrow and that's the way it'll be for the next two months. Yay, summer hols! Maybe this is why I'm feeling a little burnt out? I haven't actually had a proper break since 2010. I think I need to make it a point to go for a local Hawaiian staycation in the next year or something where I do nothing but touristy holiday stuff in order to relax and recharge.

Anyway, it's been alright. didn't do much but play with the prof's kid and wander around Siem Reap a bit. I did a little shopping for fruits and toiletries and spent like an hour in a Khmer bookshop choosing Khmer children's books for myself :) I'm kinda excited about that - I got Cinderella in Khmer (Disney in Khmer? I'm there!) and this one with a winged elephant on the cover because, really, why wouldn't I want to read about a flying elephant? I'm sure the vocabulary in that book will come in handy somehow. Also snuck into a conference about religion in Angkor - it was good to finally put some faces to the big names I've been reading and some of the presentations were interesting but there was a range in the quality of the presentations. One guy did his on the sinozation of mainland SEA and he literally did not have much substance to his presentation or his arguments. So many fallacies, contradictions and speculation of the "i observed/i think/i asked my mom" kind.

My roomie, Phoebe, is going to start her PhD at UH next semester so I've been talking to her about everything and anything under the sun but especially about continuing with the PhD. I've already decided to see how it goes this summer and in Fall before I decide if it's not for me, at least for right now anyway. But I've talked to my mum and my sis and now Phoebe and they're all kinda saying the same thing - take time off and come back later. There's obviously a lot of merit in following their advice but I've also got other concerns about taking a break - making feasible contingency plans, paying back my student loans, taking too long a break and not returning for the PhD, etc. I've got a couple of other people I'd like to talk to and see what their two cents are but it seems like the scale is starting to tip to once side. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think that I'm definitely gonna stick to my plan of giving myself a year to figure out what I need to do, whether it's a PhD or a plan B/C/D, but the advice I'm getting is really making an impact on my decision. Oh well, I've got a year so we'll see how it goes.

I'm hoping to actually update more regularly on the Cambodian craziness this time, really.

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Sorry guys, it's a grad school freakout ranty thing

So I met with my advisor yesterday and man, can she throw out the Jewish mother guilt trip like no other. It was on par with the Asian parent guilt trip. I have a feeling I amplify the guilt trip by like 100% in my head. Le sigh. Anyway, we talked and it was obvious I was sitting on my ass procrastinating and therefore, I am not where we both expected me to be in terms of proposal and thesis writing. She was pretty understanding about my mental block/procrastination but the undertones of disappointment had me swimming in guilt the rest of the day.

I guess it's part procrastination and part fear....of writing and having to actually read and absorb the daunting piles of readings sitting on my desk, floor and on my harddrive and then making sense of it all in my head so I can put it into words. A guest speaker in one of my classes this week put it in perspective for me (based on her own experiences with grad school) so I know what the issue is......I'm just finding it hard to get around it. I feel a little like I'm floundering now that push has actually come to shove and I have to produce something. I'm actually reconsidering doing the PhD. I think she's reconsidering it too. My advisor, that is. Man, combine that with the crappy day I had before = a real downer of an end of a week. Right now I'm too busy having to cram this weekend to get my draft proposal and lit review written that I don't have time to dwell on it. But I guess I'm going to have to really think hard and long about streaming into the PhD once I'm done next sem. If I can even get the MA done in the first place. I guess I'm feeling a little panicked about everything grad school right now and I wish I had someone here who has gone through it and whom I can talk to in person. It really sucks that I don't have a reliable support network in my department who's here and not in the field. Whining sessions, pity parties and academic freak outs are not the same over skype. Oh man, what a stressful week....and it started off so well too.... I think I need sleep and a therapy session with my fav spanish housewife to put it all into perspective. And getting over the assignment hump. Hopefully that'll bandaid the issue for now until summer when I can corner friends in the field for advice and I have more time to contemplate the future.

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Here's another random update :)

Hello friends! Life has been hectic as usual. Spring break was well intentioned but fell short of my expectations of getting ahead in my schoolwork. It might be the fact that I ended up sleeping and lazing around for three days straight...hmmm. The fact that I can't remember what happened the rest of the week means it was prolly just as unproductive. lol. Actually, I lie. I do remember Thursday well. Only because I ended up spending about 5 hours or so counting teeny tiny landsnail shells at Bishop. Random fact: Oahu has more than 300 types of landsnails which is more landsnail diversity than all of mainland America. Titillating, I know. Look forward to more random snail facts cos apparently I'm on loan to the malacology dept indefinitely. And while I wasn't there, the anthro dept decided to put my face on a recruiting flyer.....because I looked so happy counting stone flakes. lol. Check it out.

Don't I look super happy to be counting rocks? lol. And can you believe I've graduated to counting snails? It's surprisingly soothing, even if it's tedious.

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V

 Yeah, totally spent a couple of hours doing that. Worked out a sophisticated way of counting too. The anal retentive side of me totally enjoyed filling up all those squares. Don't deny it, you would have done it too.

I think there might have been a picnic/bbq or two ...or three...thrown in there somewhere. However I wasted Spring break, it is obvious that I didn't get much done. Not homework or cleaning or decorating. I did however, go on a bit of a shopping spree. Ohh, yeah, I also spent about 4 hours in a baking frenzy where I made sour cream coffee cake (and experimented with making coffee cake cookies. Lemme tell ya, the cookies rocked!), banana bread, whole wheat crackers, artisan bread, coconut macaroons, and strawberry jam. My housemates either think I'm crazy or I'm evil for contributing to the American conspiracy of making them fat. I won't lie about the conspiracy but I'm pretty sure my baked goods have not been that large a contributing factor. That pretty much sums up my spring break.....which is pretty sad actually....oh well.

As useless as spring break was, I think I might have hit my grad student stride (if that actually exists) this week because I've suddenly kinda lost interest in surfing the internet aimlessly in favor of catching up on work. I'm not sure what happened. Or if its related to me feeling exhausted at like 10pm and going to bed like the little old cat lady I am at heart. I'll never know but for now, with all my deadlines, I'll take it.

In other news, summer plans are looking up and hopefully, I'll head to KL and Siem Reap for free :) Yay!

Oh, and pole is awesome. The girls are great and we had an event where we demo'd some moves and pretty much just played on the pole for hours to get people interested :) (and I just realized how bad that sounds in a "that's what she said" kinda way. lol. but whatev) I'm moving up the levels and can't wait to get to the advanced stuff. Here's where I'm at now.....I guess it's intermediate? I dunno. But it's fun!

 Laterz!!

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Life

So, funding for next year: SECURED!! Woohoo!!!

That definitely makes life easier. I think it might be the first time I actually know that I'm financially secure for than six months in advance. The life of a perpetually broke grad student is more stressful than most think. Yeah, the studying/classes are easy but the funding of a social science degree is not. All I have to worry about now is finding money for summer. Since I;ll be digging this summer, it'll be pretty tight if I don't find money and I'm hesitant to find a source of funding that is related to me because I haven't touched the Bank of Mom and Dad in years (and I'm not about to start now) and my sugah mama is voluntarily unemployed and living the glam life of a Spanish housewife. We'll see. I'm sure it'll all work out. I'd be glad to just get my airfare and housing comped.

In random other news, I've found out that one of my childhood friends is having a baby. Unfortunately, it's not a happy event. He and his girlfriend are having the baby out of wedlock (not unheard of but she's foreign so it could be a problem), his parents don't know, she's due this week and they've only had one ultrasound and nothing in the way of prenatal care, etc. It's rather scary since they seem to be wholly unprepared and I really don't know how it's gonna go for this kid. I'm debating if I should talk to him and get him to talk to his parents but I know his parents and they're gonna kill him for this (not literally, but they're totally gonna be pissed). Thing is, I know that after all the fuss, at least his mom will help out....and I'm betting he's gonna need all the help he can get. So, should I or shouldn't I?

Also, my classmates from pole are going to a convention in LA this summer and I am super jealous. I wish I could go but my summer looks pretty hectic as it is :/ Cambodia and KL for sure. Possibly Spain, Beijing, Minnesota, New York, California or France as well....or any combination thereof. So many decisions.....what to do? How to afford it? I'm glad that these are the hardest questions in my life right now though. It's nice when life is this hard, eh?

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Hello, I'm aliveeeeee!!!

So, I've finally remembered that I should update. So much has happened since that last angry post four months ago. lol. Since then, I've found a new place and moved in for the long haul (hopefully), finished one semester and started another, went to SJ for winter break to pack up the rest of my crap and ship it to Hawaii and also to say bon voyage to Charl before she moved to Spain, etc.

The new place is great, a little windy but whatev. My landlady is kinda neurotic in that fussy, very precise old lady way. I'm still trying to get my room in order. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew with the DIY projects that I've decided to undertake when I was still high on all the excitement of having a place of my own to decorate (also, excitement over being cat face man free). Lol. But seriously, this DIY thing is kinda getting out of hand. I've already reupholstered my cheap ass computer chair but the two pressing projects are to sand and paint ALL my furniture, and make my bed frame (yes, from scratch. My sister (and everyone else) thinks I'm crazy). The rest are minor things like crafting or upcycling junk to become decorations (which, with the arrival of my three, yes three, boxes of craft stuff, has me making useless but cute junk to scatter all over the house. wheeeeee). I'm not sure I'm saving all that much money doing everything myself but the other day I used a circular saw for the first time and boy, did I feel manly. I think I might actually see the appeal of power tools now.

On the school side of things, the new semester has been really really crazy. It's been like one long emotional roller coaster (I didn't know I could get that upset over a class/teacher/teaching methods) and a bit of a rush for time. Some of my cohort-mate are graduating this semester and are desperately rushing to complete their thesis and defend by mid April. I'm glad I won't have to do that for another semester but I'm feeling the pressure as well since I have to start on my thesis now so I don't flail around in panic in Fall. That on top of classes and work and internship and extracurriculars has me a little stressed out, so much so that I'm baking at least once a week. I think I may have a slight baking problem. My opening sentence has become "Hey, how are you/what's up? Do you want a cookie/muffin/slice of cake?" I wonder if there's an equivalent to AA for this habit of mine. It's not terribly expensive, just slightly fattening and possibly time consuming in a bad way (three essays due tomorrow? eff that, I'm making muffins/surfing the web for recipes). Oh well. We've all got our vices. 

So, life's been a little crazy and I've been so scattered but I think I've definitely managed to settle down here and I don't think I'd mind having to stay here for the next 6 years all that much. Despite the craziness, I'm feeling content.

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