:)

I had a chat today with the prof i've been in contact with from UH and she was very lovely, but ultimately not very much help. I've actually had more help from the grad students I've emailed (makes more sense since they're more likely to have been in my situation recently). I really do like her though and since she's the one in charge of SEA archaeology grad students, she'd probably be my main adviser if I go. IF IF IF. I really want to say WHEN instead. I'm pretty much 85% there at saying yes.... BUT the deal breaker is the money. People are telling me yes, take it, but none of them are conscious of the high costs. And high costs they are indeed. They like to say that the cost of living in Honolulu is comparable to living in SF however, I don't think that's true. Housing is ridiculous and food apparently costs twice as much as it does anywhere else. So, it's about $25,000 in tuition and another $20,000-$25,000 to cover living costs and what not. That's a minimum total of $50,000a year!! What's a girl to do??? My options are: I wait for my financial aid package and pray to everything out there that they give me money or I live in humongous debt for the rest of my life (the kind that doctors and lawyers have but with no chance of ever making lotsa money) if the answer is yes and if i say no, then I'll be poor but not in debt and I'll prolly regret it...like forever. lol. So, still debating and will probably still be debating up to the deadline.....which is in about 10 days.

The great pick me up about this situation and the chat today is that I (accidentally) found out that the prof didn't pull any strings for me - fact is, she had already accepted two vietnamese students and was surprised when the admissions committee unanimously voted for me. uhh..... :D ?? I was wondering about how I got in, especially since she didn't make it sound very likely that I would when I last exchanged emails with her before they made the decision (hence the utter surprise of the acceptance letter).

It's immensely gratifying that they thought so much of my application and recommendations despite all the shortcomings that were glaringly obvious when you look at me on paper. I admit that I usually overlook my own skills and downplay everything else (although once in a while, I do take pride in my surprising achievements.....believe me, they come as surprises to me too). My philosophy in life (based on past experiences) is not to expect too much of anything - if you expect nothing, then you are pleasantly surprised when something does happen. I know it's not the best way of viewing life, but it's worked very well for me so far. It's interesting how much of an impact it has had on my subconscious mind; so much so that I have developed a tendency to cruise through life and not put much effort in a lot of what I do - I have never been very competitive and i am definitely not an alpha female, but I am glad that there are people who are willing to look past that and claim that I have potential. Whether or not they're right remains to be seen but I'm alot older now and hopefully wiser and more mature too; if the funding comes through, I really would like to take the opportunity to prove them right.

Wow...that was rather sappy and "deep".........it scares me sometimes that I have nothing else to do with my time but write entries like this one.

So, anyway, thanks Dr. S! You made my day : D oh, and so did the homemade creme caramel :)